Adapted from The Way Back to One Another by Jeff Galley (Central Group Leader for Community at Life.Church) and Phillip N. Smith (Senior Development Ambassador at HOPE International)
Through conversation, we enter into one another’s lives. Rough edges are smoothed, assumptions questioned, and empathy gained. Through conversation, we come to see one another not simply for the ideologies we embrace but for the perspectives and experiences that led us there.
“Conversation is the most human and humanizing thing that we do.” — Sherry Turkle, The New York Times
And we aren’t doing enough of it.
We’re Spending Less Time Together
We’re hanging out and talking with each other less and less all the time. The American Time Use Survey — a government survey conducted each year by the Census Bureau — asks Americans how they spend their days. Since it started in 2003, the first decade consistently found that people spent about fifteen hours per week with their friends, including neighbors, coworkers outside work, and immediate and extended family.
Then in 2014, the number of hours spent with others began to decrease and hasn’t stopped declining. Since then, time spent with friends and family has dropped by nearly 50 percent, as time alone has increased. While the Covid-19 pandemic certainly had an impact, the downward trendline began before 2020 and has persisted beyond it.
Talking to one another is simple but utterly transformative. Our lives, and the lives of those around us, will be more joyful, abundant, and content only to the degree that we are not alone. And more lives can be transformed when we depend on each other, are committed to one another, and talk with one another. We have to be together, in conversation, to live the life that Jesus has called us to live and that he modeled for us.
So How Do We Do This Practically?
We design our lives to prioritize talking with one another. Here’s where to start:
1. Slow Down to Chat
Create margin for conversation. Build it into your schedule through the day and throughout the week. See conversation as one of the most valuable investments you can make with your time.
2. Master the Basics of Good Conversation
If you’re not sure where to start, we highly recommend David Brooks’s book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. A few key practices:
- Fully engage with your mind, posture, and eye contact rather than letting thoughts wander
- Be an active listener — respond with nods, restate what you hear, and allow for pauses for thoughtful reflection
- Loop back on important points to confirm understanding
- Resist the urge to immediately relate someone’s experience back to your own
3. Discover the Power of Questions
Jesus was a master of conversation who truly listened and engaged with others. Throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus talking, listening, sharing stories, and asking thought-provoking questions. Follow his example by:
- Asking open-ended questions that begin with “How did you…?” “What is it like…?” or “Could you tell me about…?”
- Going four questions deep to keep curiosity flowing and avoid assuming you understand
- Asking about things people love to talk about, connecting around their interests and experiences
- Requesting more details to hear their full perspective
4. Make the Most of Opportunities for Conversation
The Living Room Conversations website provides practical ways to get a conversation going in many different settings. This resource and many others like it will help you plan great questions to discuss at your next small group meeting, work activity, or gathering of friends.
Let’s Choose Connection
Let’s not go with the cultural current and spend ever-increasing time by ourselves. Instead, let’s make a concerted effort to dive into conversation with the people around us.
- Let’s chat it up with our neighbors.
- Let’s take out the earbuds on lunch break and converse with a coworker.
- Let’s call a friend when we go for a walk and chat.
- Let’s grab coffee or dinner and make space for good conversation.
Let’s follow Jesus’ example and see conversation as the most foundational tool for building stronger relationships with one another.
Adapted from The Way Back to One Another by Jeff Galley and Phillip N. Smith. ©2026 by Life Covenant Church Inc. and HOPE International. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press. www.ivpress.com
About the Authors
Jeff Galley is the Central Group Leader for Community at Life.Church, an innovative multi-site church that is passionate about leading people to follow Jesus and love their neighbors through the power of community. He is the author of Conversations: Turn Your Everyday Discussions into Life-Giving Moments and coauthor of The Way Back to One Another. Under his leadership, Life.Church is part of the Global Lift Collective, and he serves on the board of the Chalmers Center for Economic Development and Tearfund USA.
Phillip N. Smith is the Senior Development Ambassador at HOPE International. He previously served as HOPE’s senior director of savings group programs, leading the organization’s global team. Prior to joining HOPE, Phil served as an executive pastor, corporate executive, and in senior leadership with World Relief, and has served on many boards over the years. Phil and his wife, Becca, have lived in the United Kingdom, Canada, and Rwanda, and currently reside in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He is coauthor of The Way Back to One Another.
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